My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
