WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
