I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
