stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I need a burrito and a hug.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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