Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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