yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
This toilet bowl is my home.
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