Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
