Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
