Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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