just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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