I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
OPIZZABONMYDICK
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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