I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
