I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
