Moan for me like Helen Keller
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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