either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
