Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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