Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
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LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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