and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
