I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
im calling her cock vulture from now on
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Edward fifth and chaser hands
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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