I'm eating all of the evidence.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
