i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
