The beer is more important than you right now.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
