i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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