awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
