I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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