Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
