o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sober January is a disaster.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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