with your own penis?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
