youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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