bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
