I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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