Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Randomize
