I'm gonna have a badass scar
so explain again why im purple
no
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
