I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
