No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
