i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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