your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
