I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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