Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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