FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
