Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
