I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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