she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
