I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
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Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
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Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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