He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
