and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
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Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
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I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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