your thong is hanging out like whoa
I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
