my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
