Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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