They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
