No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
