The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
