I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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