Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize