Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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