So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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