And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
No more Irish car bombs ever.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
