You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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