I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize