She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
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